Well the time for sympathy and the time for special treatment are gone. The pain of surgery is also going...it gets better and better each day. I become more and more comfortable without the back brace (it used to be such a crutch) and the "heaviness" in my lower back that I feel when I first stand up in the morning (I spoke of it in earlier posts) seems less and less of an issue.
This damn thing is really starting to heal. I can tell. I can feel it. It feels stronger each day. It brings a new sense of confidence but also a new sense of caution...it sometimes feel like I don't need the brace ALL the time (and it is probably true that sometimes it is ok to have it off in a "safe" environment...like my living room couch) but I don't want any setbacks because I did something stupid. I am TOTALLY capable of doing something stupid...the zen of being Craig.
The week started off with "returning to work". No I did not go to the office but I worked from home all the third week. For those of you contemplating this "elective" surgery it meant this. I could sit in a chair all day for about 7 hours a day. I took a break almost every hour for a few minutes to stretch my legs and back. I am a sloucher in a chair (past tense) and now I have to sit up straight...the brace mandates that. I have a drafting table at home as a desk and a bar stool height matching chair. 20/20 hindsight I would have been better off in a chair at the kitchen table. That would have put my feet flat on the floor and my thighs perpendicular to the floor....a much better sitting position. But bottom line I did it and it was GREAT to have something to do. I love my job so that made it easier but at the end of the week I will have been home for over 2.5 weeks....I needed to exercise the brain.
Speaking of exercise the walking continues. It was more of the two steps forward and one step back. I would push it some days and the leg pain would kick in and then the next day I might just go for a couple of short walks. But by the end of the week I went for a 4.5 mile walk....not too shabby eh? There are probably some healthy "non-fused" humans that could not pull that one off. I got invited to a concert in a park about five miles from my house so I thought....I am walking there. It gave me a destination and my son gave me a ride home afterwards. It was a great sense of accomplishment and best of all....at the end of the walk....NO LEG PAIN. I had a little fatigue (normal) but no pain. I love when I work hard...it feels so good....it was nice to be able to challenge myself again.
Also I went to a party on Saturday night and was on my feet for over 3 hours. The really cool part was that I perfected this "look" to go out. I was feeling a bit self conscious about the brace and how it made me look. Well I put on a t-shirt, with the brace over it...then one of my dress shirts over that (yes the brace fit under the dress shirt) with the tails of the shirt un-tucked and a pair of blue jeans. It was like "preppy casual for the recently fused" man. I was on my feet for 3 hours with no pain. 90% of people could not tell I had surgery until they would give me a hug to say hello or goodbye...and it was like "what the hell is under your shirt"? Oh that? It is a brace I am wearing because I had two vertebra fused less than 3 weeks ago...it is nothing!
It felt nice to be resuming my normal life....work, exercise, and socializing...some of my favorite things. But it was not all happiness. There still was this lingering sense of being "broken" and "old". I told my Mom that for the first time in my life I felt old...I have always felt great because I was so active but this changed things. Part of healing is also acceptance of the healing process. You need to come to grips with the fact that this takes time. There is no patience for the impatient. I always have wanted to push things in my life when it came to physical healing. In this case my body was calling the shots and I have to listen. That can be a bitter pill to swallow and it can be a challenge to maintain a positive mental outlook. I have seen a therapist for years just to "talk stuff out". I see him again next Thursday and I am really looking forward to it. The physical part of healing may be going great...but you have to heal emotionally too....that may be harder....DO NOT neglect that....seek out your support network and verbalize how you are feeling. It will ultimately help your physical healing too.
My mom left to go home on Saturday and that was not without mixed emotions. She was absolutely amazing in the moral, physical and emotional support she provided. When I first got home from the hospital she changed my wound bandages (try and do that yourself) and many other things around the house. For two weeks I did not have to do laundry, feed the cats, clean the litter box, and clean the house. She was incredible. I love her so much and it was nice to have her around. Yes like all of us I sometimes railed against her being around (and making me feel like I was 12 years old even though I am 54) but it was greatly appreciated.
BUT...and this is a big BUT....YOU MUST START CARING FOR YOURSELF AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!! I started to do tasks I could do myself as soon as I was able (cook dinner, do some grocery shopping, run errands, etc). Notice that many of those things...are things I can do without bending over. The things my mom did allowed my back a little respite until she went home (at 19 days post surgery) and now the onus is back on me. Yes I still get my kids to do some heavy lifting and such....but the operation of the household fell right back on me (and you should want that). You feel better....start carrying your own weight again. Get your ass up and off the couch and DO SOMETHING! Be normal. Get back to the way things were before. Honestly it is part of your emotional AND physical healing.
There was one annoying physical regression that I was not expecting. The restless leg thing came back about two nights before my mom left. My god is that annoying. I have no proof that it is due to the surgery and recovery...but I have never had these symptoms to this extent until this happened. It makes sleeping difficult at a time when you need your rest. That is all I am going to say about that....it lasted in earnest for about 4 nights and now is waning again....good riddance!!
Two other things of note before I wrap this up....
One I went to see a urologist for some of the symptoms I have been exhibiting over the last 3 years from an enlarged prostate. Repeat after me....Getting Old Sucks...well not really...I really love my age....would not go back for anything. But I went back and found out I need to get a biopsy of my prostate because my PSA levels were rising. On one hand I was bummed....but honestly...I am soooo thankful I was forward thinking enough to continue to get screenings and such for this. I would rather be nervous about a biopsy that I scheduled proactively...than dead because I never saw the doctor. I have had a physical every year for the last 10 years. I figured I had the "car up on the rack"....lets get the overhaul. Another hiccup in my year....but dammit this worm is gonna turn!!
Two...I am traveling to Chicago on business...great timing. Again I get to heal more without having to clean up a household, cook dinner, take care of my pets, etc. A week of staying at a hotel will do me a lot of good....more rest.
Well that is it for this week...as usual if you are reading this and you have questions....please email me at
craig.goudy@gmail.com. If I am doing this well....so can you....don't believe the horror stories you see so much of on the internet. If you are healthy...and proactive...and work at it....you can have a similar outcome.
This is what I was hoping would happen...when I started writing this almost a month ago....a success story. I may have had "my hiccups" but this is 95% positive stuff...now THAT is pretty damn cool.
See you next week....Craig
